If someone had told me that I would experience a turn of events in my life that would make me question my sanity, I would have said to them “No, that won’t happen”. Like many who thought they had their lives figured out, I too thought I had mine figured out. I’ll get married, have 2 or 3 kids, be a home owner and travel the world. Perfect life, right? So I thought until life threw some curve balls at me.
If we are been honest with ourselves, we often see those glaring red flags but choose to ignore them until they become our reality. Did you see those subtle or not so subtle aggressive behaviors in your partner but made excuses for them or worse, wished them away? I know I did.
My seemingly perfect life was filled with pain that never seemed to have an end. Words such as ‘You are useless”or “You are a waste of space” were not just words but stabs at my very existence. Stabs that made me question myself over and over again, “How did I get here?” How did I go from being a strong beautiful confident woman to a timid woman who lost herself because the man who she called husband made her feel worthless?
I questioned my sanity for a long time, believing that those words defined who I was. Believing that his aggressive behaviors were because of something I did or said. I replayed events in my head. Nothing I said should have caused him to punch the wall. Cooking my native food shouldn’t warrant an outpour of verbal abuse and material violence. Seeing his hands locked in a fist like I was about to get punched for going to the gym was beyond me.
“All of that were tactics to intimidate you”, my therapist said. Yes, I went to therapy because I was beginning to think that I was going crazy. It was a bad experience to say the least.
My story is different now. I remember standing at my corner office on the 14th floor looking out the window and admiring the view of the Hudson river and I thought to myself ‘Wow!!! See how far you have come in such little time. I came to the realisation that I was and still am a strong beautiful confident woman and, you cannot put a strong woman down.
In the words of Dr. Maya Angelou,
“You may shoot me with your words
You may cut me with your eyes
You may kill me with your hatefulness
But still, like air, I’ll rise”
